Al Franken’s ability to draw a map of all 48 contiguous states in under 2 minutes (that means no Hawaii and Alaska) was what really put him ahead of Norm Coleman and into the Minnesota Senate seat! Watch him do it on Late Night with David Letterman, 8/20/87.

Kate Hudson’s promoting the hell out of her new movie, The Bride Wars, which premiered last night in New York. She talks about her wedding in February’s Elle Magazine.

“The dress was all I cared about. I really wanted the princess gown. The young bride, full Scarlett O’Hara gown. The only other thing I wanted was a raw bar and my mom was like, ‘No,’ and I was like, ‘All right.’”

Way to go Goldie on saying no to the fish without scales and fins! I’m sure platters of lox and whitefish were good enough.

Is it Global Warming? Not quite, just Piven, Madoff and Gaza getting too much action!

Has the invitable happened?  Have Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan broken up?  Access Hollywood and Perez say yes, so it must be true.   However, LiLo has taken to her MySpace page and is battling the rumors like a little firefighter in a forest fire.

little piece of TRUE information:

we did NOT break up!

access hollywood, extra, et, every tabloid, page six… AND every GOSSIP website. Get your stories straight please. It’s really annoying to have all of your friends emailing you saying, i saw, i read, etc… NOT TRUE
xoxox Lindsay

Hmmm, I love TRUE info.  I can’t wait for Samantha to post the truth.   Actually, this story will get even better once Papa Lohan gets in on the action with his new blog.  Stay tuned for the truth!

In the mean time, check out the very best of Samantha and Lindsay’s fights AFTER The JUMP>>> Continue »

Santa Claus wasn’t the only one out and about on Christmas Eve,  Bernie Madoff was also making deliveries.  While St. Nick flew through the night sky, Madoff lurked below mailing off packages filled with jewelry worth $1 million to his sons.  Prosecutors want to prevent Madoff from making any more money disappear and were in Manhattan Federal Court today arguing that Bernie’s bail be revoked.   PoMa’s (Ponzi Madoff) attorney, Ira Sorkin from Dickstein Shapiro (No one says “not guilty” like Dickstein Shapiro) claimed that the jewelry were bupkis- just some old cuff links and family knick-nacks.    Really Ira?  Let me explain to you the difference between family heirlooms that are significant vs. insignificant  -

Don’t mess with Scarlett the Starlet!  Tristan Dare thought he hatched a clever plan when he launched an online contest offering a “smoking-hot threesome” with Scarlett Johansson on his site, www.scarlettjohansson.com, instead he wound up at the World Intellectual Property Organization Arbitration and Mediation Center.  In the end, he did win a smoking hot threesome beyond his wildest dreams, but Scarlett wasn’t anywhere to be found.  Instead Tristan found himself in a Silver & Freedman legal sandwich arguing over trademark.  There was no time for foreplay in this menage a trois,  as those legal eagles cited Madonna Ciccone p/k/a Madonna v Dan Parisi and “Madonna.com” as precedent that Dare had engaged in use of a Domain name, which intentionally traded on the fame of Scarlett Johansson.  Watch out Cybersquatters!

Roseanne Barr is reporting the Ark of the Covenant is in Iran rather than in a top secret government warehouse. Does Indiana Jones know? Probably not, since this and so much more were all recently revealed to Roseanne by a goddess during a meditation trance the other day. Roseanne also offers a new take on the Gaza situation.

Gaza? Shamaza, what about Madoff? Adam Horowitz answers the tough questions on the Huffington Post.

Balancing out the intensity, Jeff Ross talks about the new Jewish porn, “I Don’t Do That,” a sequel to “Get That Thing Out of My Face After the Jump. Continue »

TMZ reports that Lindsay Lohan freaked out at Miami International Airport yesterday as she caught a return flight home to LA with Samantha.  LiLo cried and screamed in ways reminiscent of a 18 month old with a double ear infection trapped in a baby seat without a bottle at thirty thousand feet.  She was so bad that an airline attendant asked if she wanted to get off the plane.  The question at hand isn’t what the Sapphic couple were fighting about, but how long before Samantha checks back into the hospital for exhaustion.  Between Lindsay’s temper tantrums, Michael Lohan’s blog and the constant re-playing of Lindsay’s Bossy in her head, no wonder the poor girl needs diazepam on a drip.

Want to fee like Sam? Listen to Lindsay After the Jump >> Continue »

I’m sick and I’m burning up with a fever.  Where’s that mercury poisoned Super Star, Jeremy Piven?  I need my temperature taken!  As usual, Piven is not where he’s needed.  Instead, he is in Bangkok receiving treatment for his high Hg levels  (Atomic Number: 80, Atomic Weight: 200.59) and I’m stuck with a CVS Digital Thermometer in my rear mouth.

Anyway, while Piven is getting his blood purified by Thai goddesses, who very well may be gods, he is also plowing ahead with sexy blond NYC model/waitress, Ashley Chontos, who he met at Britney Spears’ birthday bash.  Seems in between Mercury treatments at an exclusive massage palour medical clinic once favored by Yul Brynner, Piven sends Ashley, text messages promising to take her to the Golden Globes.  A Daily News insider, spills that Ashley is in Miami getting a “tan so she looks great for her ‘red carpet debut.’ She wants to get real dolled up, and has been discussing her outfit and jewelry practically every chance she gets.”

Hey Ashley, good luck!  Remember what the safety pin did for Liz Hurley!  Perhaps the binder clip can do the same for you.

Thanks for reading and get ready for a crazy 2009!  xo Jewssip