There’s plenty for a Jew to do while the goys are waiting for Dasher,  Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen.  (What exactly does a reindeer need to do to get a name like Vixen?)

Once you’ve lit your 4th Jamie Sneider, then head on over to the World’s Largest Menorah on 5th Ave.

Not in NYC?  No problem - celebrate the power of the Chanukah by ordering your very own Jewish Women of the Year Calendar.

Feel like getting your hora on?  Check out Heeb Magazine’s Heebonism parties in SF, Miami, Denver and Portland (of course there’s a NYC party on the LES).

Too lazy to actually engage?    Let Dr. Blogstein do the work.  Sit back, relax and you listen to the Best of Dr. Blogstein’s Radio Happy Hour 2008. It will be the greatest “quick witted, high concept and laugh inducing conversation” you’ve never had.

Check back for more updates or let me know what you suggest.

In an attempt to Jew-up for the week, I went to the Heeb Magazine Film Festival last night to see THE GENTILE GAZE: JEWISH SHORT FILMS WITH OUTSIDER PERSPECTIVES.  As an expert goy-dater, I loved Derek & Simon: The Pity Card, in which Simon (think Jason Schwartzman) takes a shiksa goddess to the Holocaust Museum on their first date.  Simon’s crafty play on gentile guilt almost gets him laid, but alas he manages to let genocide get in the way.  Speaking of guilt, if you thought Portnoy’s mother was bad then get ready for Rabbi/chaplain/US Army General David Zalis in The Unkosher Truth. This documentary, captures Chana Zalis struggle with her religious father as she debates revealing the truth about her secular life and her German boyfriend, who looks just like Rolph in The Sound of Music, but with a eyebrow ring.

There were a couple of other shorts, but they weren’t for me, including Playing with Other Tigers by Zachary Lennon-Simon, which won the prize.

Thanks to Heeb Magazine for setting the record straight -

Pitt’s character Aldo Raine in Quentin Tarantino’s Inglorious Bastards is actually the gentile leader of the squad of Jewish GIs operating behind German lines and kausing Kraut kaos through a kavalkade of kruel killings.

Way to go Heeb for being as meticulous as a Talmudic student debating if giraffes are in fact kosher.

Those yids at Heeb Magazine sure are funny - check out the intense swimming event - the Penny Pick Up.

I wish I competed since I was the 1987 Reigning Champ for Diving for Change at the Spook Rock Town Pool (great name, right?).

Well that ain’t news, so what is? Ha’aretz, a major Israeli newspaper asks, “How did the Israeli model (Bar Refaeli) conquer the blogs and the gossip columns, and why do the Americans love her so much?”

“Many Israeli stars have tried their luck in the land of endless possibilities, and at best got 30 seconds of screen time, usually portraying a Lebanese terrorist. In fact, it has been a long time since an Israeli immigrant was able to win over the hearts of the American public, star in the tabloids and gain the adoration of teens in the land of Uncle Sam. Then came Bar Refaeli.”

Well, unlike Haaretz’s popular theory that it was Bar’s romance with Leonardo Dicaprio that made her a splash with the American public, I think it all has to do with her name. With a name like Bar, how you can forget her? After all it’s most Americans favorite place to be, especially when it comes to gossip bloggers, where else can we go to wash off the shmutz from writing this kind of stuff?

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That’s 5769 and it will be a year I’ll never forget thanks to Heeb’s special pull-out calendar of the six of the most beautiful Jewish women in the world. With Brett Ratner of X-Men fame as guest editor, the world’s first Jewish Swimsuit Calendar has been launched with shots of super sexy, but very skinny Israeli girls like Bar Refaeli, Moran Atias, Esti Ginsburg, Donna Feldman, Neta Bell-Silber and Adi Neuman posing with bagels and lox. The heavily air-brushed calendar will surely keep the boys in bunk 12 at Camp Summit busy.