Shoshanna Lonstein rocks big boobies better than anyone who has gotten them for free ( no, not as in the strip club paid for them, but as in nature).  Man instead of complaining about back pain or getting those large melons cut down to size, she created her own clothing company for girls with knockers like hers.

Not since the days of Moses has a simple 10 chapter outline caused such excitement in the publishing world– but this week literary agents were buzzing about the bidding war that Sarah Silverman and Jerry Seinfeld set off with their book proposals.  Sarah’s pot has past $2.5 and keeps climbing, while Jerry’s up to $7million.  What a week for dark-haired funny Jews … hey Daniel Strone of Trident Media Group, tell the publishing houses that if they need something cheaper, I’ll write them something real funny for a bargain - no problem.

The Material Girl and the Yankee Slugger skipped their Kabbalah classes and coptered to Jerry Seinfeld’s Hampton Estate last week for a 4 hour meeting.  The Seinfelds may seem harmless, but they are the ultimate trouble-makers:  homewreckers (Jerry stole Jessica from Eric Nederlander), plagiarists (Missy Chase Lapine accused Jessica of copying her recipes), defamers (Lapine suing Jerry for his Letterman jokes) and now tryst makers.  Seems Madonna and the Seinfelds go way back — those Upper West Side Jews stick together.

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Here’s a little background - Missy Chase Lapine, the author of the “Sneaky Chef” accused Jessica Seinfeld of ripping off her cookbook.  Jerry defended his wife and also made a few jokes on Letterman about people with three names - James Earl Ray and Mark David Chapman, for instance - turning out to be assassins.  Lapine didn’t find it funny and sued for libel.  (Check out the joke that launched hundreds of billable hours)

In federal court papers explaining her position for a December hearing, Lapine said she “never felt so frightened and vulnerable” as when her 7 year-old daughter came home from school “and asked, ‘Mom, what is an assassin?’” Hmmm… the only time I ever thought of Jerry as frightening was when I pictured him with his clothes off.

That’s her basis for libel - please I’ll give you something to be frightened and vulnerable about - it’s called violation of First Amendment Rights, which is what Lapine wants the courts to do so that she can feel safe.  Please she certainly felt safe to use her First Amendment Rights to call Jessica Seinfeld a plagiarist.

Good thing Missy Chase Lapine’s daughter hasn’t come home asking about Chris Rock’s “Tossed Salad.” What she going to do then, sue Chris Rock for plagiarizing her salad recipe? Check out this hysterical clip of Rock slandering lettuce. Continue »

David Blaine is still hanging upside down in Central Park and peeing with a catheter. So far he hasn’t gone blind, but his docs are on hand at Wolman rink just in case something goes awry in this ridiculous 60 hour upside down stunt. Fans have been mulling around asking for autographs. Clearly he must be using The Astronaut Pen that let’s you write upside down like they do in space or in Jerry Seinfeld’s case in bed (”Cause sometimes I write in bed and I have to turn and lean on my elbow to make the pen works.”) I am thinking about checking out The Pen situation later this evening, but will probably bail because of a million and one better things I have to do like going to see the a remastered cut of the Godfather at Film Forum.

The great collaboration of Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates that was to infuse Microsoft with an air of hip freshness is over. Microsoft reps deny that the ads featuring the comic duo were pulled in response to criticism, instead claiming, “All along we said we were having a teaser campaign. We’re getting ready to start the second phase. This was the plan all along.”

Though, the above ad did not inspire me to return to a PC, it was still pretty funny.

Jerry Seinfeld filed papers in Manhattan federal court claiming that he didn’t slander Missy Chase Lapine, the author of the “Sneaky Chef” accusing Jessica Seinfeld of ripping off her cookbook. Seinfeld claims he was just making a joke, something he does for a LIVING, when he called the “three named woman” a “wacko” and “mentally unhinged celebrity stalker” on David Letterman’s show.

Here’s hoping the First Amendment is good for something!

Check out the jokes that launched hundreds of billable hours - it’s a bit of Chinatown quality, but what can you do?

Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates are joining forces with the help of $300 million ad budget to make Microsoft cooler than a hip replacement. Nothing like an aging comedian and a billionaire geek to take on Steve Jobs with his iPhone and witty Mac vs PC commercials!

Watch a Mac vs PC ad after the jump that’s way funny and a hell of a lot cheaper than Jerry’s rumored $10 mill paycheck.

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