Did Madonna’s PR flack Liz Rosenberg, get it wrong when she issued a statement to the AP that Madge and Guy had reached a divorce settlement of at least $72 million?  Liz doesn’t make mistakes - that’s why she’s been Madonna’s voice to the masses for a million years!  What really happened?  Is the settlement way more?  Anyway, the London rep issued what is probably Madonna and Guy’s last joint -statement today -

“We have tried to maintain a dignified silence regarding the details of our divorce for the last few months whilst accepting the obvious media interest. A misleading and inaccurate statement, specifically in relation to the sums of money involved, was wrongly issued to AP this week. The financial details of the settlement will remain private, save to say that both of us are happy with our agreement. Our primary concern, like any co-parents, is the care and well being of our children.”

MEMORIES  of THE WAY THEY WERE

Madonna has settled her divorce with ex, Guy Ritchie by paying him at least $76 million.  The amount includes the value of the once-happy couple’s Ashcombe House in western England, which Ritchie will keep.  He also gets to keep their west London pub, the Punchbowl.  Hopefully, it won’t be much longer until Madonna emerges from her reinvention cocoon without the Queen’s tongue.

How on earth is Lourdes supposed to learn to be comfortable in her own body when her mom is fighting with every inch of her being to look 20 years younger?  It’s hard and confusing to be a regular adolescent girl, let alone the spawn of the Material Girl, but damn dealing with the SEX book is nothing compared to this airbrushed, botoxed, restylane contortion.  Don’t get me wrong it’s amazing what Madonna is doing on stage during this Sticky and Sweet tour, but really it would be a lot cooler if she did it with at least one wrinkle.   Madge better start thinking about the effects of her body obsession on her kids before Lourdes takes down the path of Chasity Bono.

I just think that Madonna should take responsibility for her part in the ONSLAUGHT of body images that can never be attained.  Hmmm no wonder she’s friends with Gywnie, who likes to flaunt holiday gifts that no one can afford.

Watch Madonna lose the years the wrinkles and the baggage in less than 20 minutes in a video of her photos getting retouched>>

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InTouch Weekly is reporting that Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez is ALREADY cheating on Madonna.  I’m flabbergasted, really I am!  I haven’t been this shocked since OK! misspelled Ashlee Simpson’s name.  It seems while Gwyneth Paltrow was off begging PETA’s forgiveness for her furry Tods campaign photos, she let A-Rod out of her site.  It only took a second, but when A-Rod saw model Melissa Britos (looking virginal in her Cape Fear Wedding shoot) descend the Fontainebleau’s famed “Staircase to Nowhere,” he completely forgot about bossy old Madonna.  Modeling virginal whites

One of the model’s friends said, “He became obsessed with her. He sent her at least a dozen text messages, asking her to spend time with him.”

A few days later Melissa was allegedly seen doing the walk of shame (translation - coming home after a hook-up wearing clothes from the night before) from A-Rod’s car to her hotel.

One of A-Rod’s friends tried to clarify the situation with In Touch:

“Alex is definitely excited by Madonna and wants to spend time with her. But when she’s not around and he is left to his own devices, he wants the company of other beautiful women. He can’t help it. It’s in his nature.”

In his nature?  Perhaps we can to begin to understand A-Rod’s nature by applying Kabbalah practices to this scandal and using Gematria - I will have to consult with the macher over at the Jewish Stoners Union.  Perhaps this is what Madonna is doing right now with Rabbi Berg.  Stay tuned for further analysis

Today I have discovered my favorite Facebook group other than Jewssip —the  Jewish Stoners Union.  This group uses Gematria - assigning numerical values to letters ie A = 1, B = 2 - to unlock the mysterious origins of 420.  Surprisingly the police radio code, California penal code and even Jim Morrison’s death are simply pothead urban legends that have nothing to do with 420. Thanks to the  Jewish Stoners Union we now have the answer…

The word for smoke in Hebrew is Ashan (Ayin Shin Nun). Ayin is 70, Shin is 300, and Nun is 50. 70 + 300 + 50 = 420!!

I wonder if Madonna and A-Rod used gematria (Kabbalah is all about it) to decide to only look for a love nest between Fifth and Park, from 60th Street through the 80s.

Yes, yes there is nothing Jewish about goyim as goyim can be Britney Spears, but I just couldn’t ignore her 27th birthday bash this morning on Good Morning America.  She danced a bit more during this Womanizer performance than she did the other night on UK’s X Factor, but overall she just strutted around.  Hmmm… I’m not sure about this comeback.  My favorite part of the GMA bit is when Robin Roberts says Womanizer is the kind of song that “stays in your head ALL day long.” Great! Anyway, Britney Happy Birthday!! Only 3 more years until the awful 20s over and you can relax into your 30s, but hang on Brit Brit cause the wild ride is not even close to over as Mercury Returns

Check out Britney’s Womanizer performance on X Factor>>

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Access Hollywood reports that Cynthia Rodriguez emailed a friend about her disgust with Alex Rodriguez’s plans for Thursday -

“My 6-foot-3, 220-pound soul-less, soon-to-be ex-husband is abandoning his kids on Thanksgiving to be with Madonna . . . She called and he ran on her command back to New York City . . . Gross!”

What will this giant of a baseball player find in Madonna’s cornucopia?  Will there be some kind of organic feast with a special kosher turkey raised on Kabbalah water and slaughtered just for Madge?  Or will the Slugger and manager, Guy Oseary, be forced to nibble on a macrobiotic vegetarian feast with no processed or refined foods?  Apparently, this is Madonna’s diet for her kids ( allegedly emailed in a list of dos and don’ts to Guy Ritchie when Rocco and David visited him recently).

Alex Rodriguez and his Jew Who Rocks manager, Guy Oseary, ate Italian last night in NYC at DaSilvano, which just happens to be next door from where I get waxed at Yana Herbal Beauty Salon.  I have no idea if they talked about A-Rod ditching Kabbalah classes, how many times Madonna was mentioned or even what they ate.  What I do know is the minute I saw Guy Oseary’s eyebrows, I called Yana and made an appointment.

Oh baby, The National Enquirer is reporting that Mel Gibson is getting out his war paint for his bloodiest battle since Braveheart - a $900 million divorce from his long-suffering wife Robyn.  Seems Robyn has had enough and the new photos of the Mel and Oksana, sexy young Russian singer, may just be the tipping point.

“Robyn has had enough,” a close family friend told The Enquirer. “She’s been to hell and back with Mel over the years. The drinking, the cheating, the temper tantrums. The last time Robyn took him back she told him, ‘This is your last chance. If you embarrass me again, we’re done.’ And now she intends to keep her word.”

When asked about an impending divorce, Gibson’s spokesman told The Enquirer: “I have no reason to believe that there are problems in Mel’s marriage.”